The Joke Thread

[Bill C]

VATICAN HUMOR
After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.

'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'

'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today.'

'I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! What if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning..

'Who's going to tell?' says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kph.. (Remember, the Pope is German..)

'Please slow down, Your Holiness!' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

'Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job!' moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going 205 kph.

'So bust him,' says the Chief.

'I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,' said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed,' All the more reason!'

'No, I mean really important,' said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, 'Who do you have there, the mayor?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief: ' A senator?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief: 'The Prime Minister?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'

'Well,' said the Chief, 'who is it?'

Cop: 'I think it's God!'

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, 'What makes you think it's God?'

Cop: 'His chauffeur is the Pope!'

[SkyBlueHeroes]

Die on the same day, and an Angel meets them at the pearly gates and tells them there is only room for one of them in Heaven and then asks which one deserves to be in their.

Dolly gets her tits out and says these are the most perfect breasts ever created and it would please god to see them everyday.

The queen drinks a bottle of water then pisses into a toilet pulls the lever and is entered into the Kingdom of Heaven.

Dolly is outraged and demands an explanation, the Angel says sorry Dolly but even in Heaven a Royal Flush beats a pair no matter how big they are.

[Ramrod]

I have an image of Jesus that pops up on my PC monitor if I leave it idle for 10 minutes.

It's my screen saviour.



..........I'll get my coat

[Scary Paul]

we will help you pack

[klinsman]

I phoned the cab.

[MovedGoalPosts]

don't forget to stop the milk deliveries and newspapers

[SkyBlueHeroes]

It is one-way yes??

[Ramrod]

I thank you!